Yogi Berra Quotations

Don’t you already have a page dedicated to quotes? Yes, yes I do. I went to the dentist with April and there was a poster on the wall with baseball quotes on it. A few of the quotes were from Yogi Berra. To be honest, it was embarrassing that I couldn’t hold in my laughter. The more I read the more I knew I should stop. I was making a spectacle of myself in front of all those nervous and impatient patients.

Being a blogger I decided to share with you guys. Yogi has so many quotes I had to post all that I could find. Sorry if they aren’t as funny as I make them out to be but I’m still laughing…

Yogi Berra Quotes

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

All pitchers are liars or crybabies.

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.

I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

When you arrive at a fork in the road, take it.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

It ain’t over till it’s over.

It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.

Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.

It gets late early out there.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

It’s like deja-vu, all over again.

It’s pretty far, but it doesn’t seem like it.

Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.

So I’m ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face.

We have deep depth.

The future ain’t what it used to be.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

There are some people who, if they don’t already know, you can’t tell ‘em.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

You can observe a lot by just watching.

Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.

You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.

If people don’t want to come out to the ball park, nobody’s gonna stop ‘em.

You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.

I’m a lucky guy and I’m happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.

He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.

How can you think and hit at the same time?

I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.

If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.

I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary.

Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.

I never said most of the things I said.

I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.

I wish I had an answer to that because I’m tired of answering that question.

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.

Funny

Q U O T E S

“Personally I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.”
~George Burns

J O K E S

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”

P H O T O S

Which Way?

Peeping Tom

Horsing Around

SpongeVenus NudiePants

Extreme Customer Service

S T O R Y

A True Story

At Harvard University in a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A female freshman raised her hand and asked, “If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar”? That’s correct,  responded the professor, going on to add more statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”. After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing; the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and never returned.

As she was going out of the door, the professor’s reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not on the back of your throat”!

“Personally I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.”

Funny

Q U O T E S

“When you play with fire, there is a 50/50 chance something will go wrong, and nine times out of ten it does.”
~The Abstinence Clearinghouse Blog

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J O K E S

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and he found himself in the woman’s locker room. When he was spotted by some of the ladies, shrieks and screams rang out. The women started grabbing for towels and running for cover. The poor little boy watched in amazement and then quietly asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t any of you ever seen a little boy before?”

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P H O T O S

Snowmen attending Global Warming Conference

Tall Giraffe Playing Peek-A-Boo

Soon To Be Ex-Wife

Tabletop Contortionist

Counting The Days

A Very Large Grub

Mt. Rushmore Front and Back

Priceless

Cookie Monster Cookies

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V I D E O S

Prince Workout

White Girls Can Move Too

Eavesdropping

USPS Creepy Clown

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