Make ‘Em Laugh

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Not too often, but every now and then I come across some really great jokes. Clean jokes that I’m not embarrassed to admit I laughed at. This is the place for laughing at the same things I find funny.

Dinner Party

During a dinner party, the host’s two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing strange was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, this IS vanishing cream!”

Give it a vote if you liked the joke. Thanks!

Sex In The Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love, the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years of marriage the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him of this habit so one night, while they were in the throws of a wild, love making session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated device… A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than his real one.

She went completely ballistic. “You impotent fool,” She yelled at him, “How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself”!

The husband pulled out the vibrator, looked her straight in the eyes and said in a calm voice, “I’ll explain the toy when you explain the kids.”

Give it a vote if you liked the joke. Thanks!

Restaurant

I wish someone would open a restaurant and call it “I Don’t Care”, so I can finally take my girl where she always wants to go!

Give it a vote if you liked the joke. Thanks!

RSVP

There is a support group being organized this weekend for men who can’t ejaculate during intercourse. Please RSVP and let us know if you can’t come.

Give it a vote if you liked the joke. Thanks!

Humanity

A little girl came to her father and said: “Daddy, where do humans come from?”
Dad answers: “Well, God created Adam and Eve.  They had babies and we all came from them.”
A few days later, the little girl asks her mother the same question.
Mother answers: “Well, we evolved from monkeys over time.”
The little girl was furious and went to her father and said: “Mommy said we came from monkeys but you told me we came from Adam and Eve.”
Daddy smiled and answered: “That’s right.  I told you about my side of the family, and mommy told you about hers.”

Give it a vote if you liked the joke. Thanks!

Good vs. Evil

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So, Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused, They did spreadsheets, They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail, They sent out e-mail with attachments.

They downloaded, They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”

God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

Give it a vote if you liked the joke. Thanks!

.

During a dinner party, the host's two little children entered 
the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. 
The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was 
happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated 
and also continued as if nothing strange was happening.
  After going all the way around the room, the children left, and 
there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child
was heard to say, "You see, it IS vanishing cream!"