Guest Blogger, Cherlyn Cochrane

Introducing Cherlyn Cochrane from Over A Cup Of Coffee

Please join me in welcoming Cherlyn Cochrane, an admitted coffee addict, to Morning Erection. Being happy is at the forefront of most of our thoughts on a daily basis and in the back of our minds as well. Enjoy her post and please remember her guest post here is a sacrifice because it means she neglected her own blog and spent time thinking of a great post for us. As always, it is a great honor for me to be able to have a guest blogger. As a favor to me please show Cherlyn the courtesy of leaving lots of comments and visit her site too. Thanks.
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Honestly Happy

Before I begin I would like to just say thank you to Tom for allowing me this opportunity to be guest blogger for the month of September. It gives me a warm, bubbly feeling inside that something that I’ve written and put my heart into has been able to inspire others. It’s much more than I expected to ever happen with my written works, but it is an absolutely welcome feeling.

I wasn’t quite sure what to write about at first, and I thought that the best thing I could to do was to share a little of my own blog with Tom’s readers. A lot of what I do at Over a Cup of Coffee is try to express myself like I would when I’m going out for a cup of coffee in real life – whether it be discussing my feelings and thoughts with a friend, talking about silly facts, or even writing poems for myself.  The past two months I have been doing a lot of internal reflecting about who I am and what others perceive me to be. Tom has already mentioned exquisitely in his post The Most Beautiful Girl in the World , something that I feel very strongly about as well (great minds do think a like after all). And don’t worry, I’m not going to bore you (or at least try not to) with reiterating the same things Tom already talked about, because I couldn’t have worded it better than he did.

Some of you may not know this, but people lie on average three to five times in a ten minute conversation. I was a little surprised when I heard this.  Well that’s an understatement – I thought it was a load of bull and convinced myself that I never do that.

“Mirror” by Mia aka eatmeupinside

I of course was lying to myself, so what does that tell you?  Since I’ve been back living in my home town, I’ve started to realize that maybe that fact isn’t completely unjustified. Do you ever feel as though you have a certain “face” to wear in front of certain people, and another to wear in front of another group of people? Do we hide part of who are from a group of friends because we feel like they will judge us? Do we pretend to like something we don’t to appear compatible with a potential partner?

All those questions started invading my thoughts every time I was out with friends or sitting with my family, or meeting someone knew. And trust me, I already have enough weird questions going through my mind without answers, I didn’t need these ones floating around up there.  Of course the answer to all those questions is a yes, and trying to convince myself otherwise was naive. I think the more important question is, why do we do it, and is it a bad thing?

I have two scopes of thought on those questions. By the way, yes I totally ask myself questions like these when I’m alone drinking coffee. I am one complex lady.

The first strain of thought is that we do it because we are so eager to be accepted by others that we tell small lies here and there that will make ourselves look better. The lies may not be full lies, but perhaps just an exaggeration of the truth. Is it a bad thing?  If the lie doesn’t hurt anyone, then no.  But then, that other darker half of me pipes in with: we do it because we don’t accept ourselves, and we lie to make others accept us instead. With this perspective, I think it is a very bad thing.

Though I don’t want to appear a “glass half empty” type of person, I tend to lean towards the second point of view. And it’s only because in the past few months I’ve actually started to understand myself and who I am.  I’m a liar, just like everyone else.

I used to lie to myself all the time. I’d lie that I felt strong, that I could take on everything and anything all by myself.  I would force myself to believe I was ugly, and worthless, and terrible. I used to tell myself I could only rely on myself.  To certain friends I presented myself with the image of a strong, good listener. To others it was the easy going joker type. It wasn’t until I realized that I, like so many others, wore different faces or different masks; and when you’re lying to yourself and to others about who you are, you start to forget who you really are.  And I had forgotten who I was.

 

"Happy Milk" by Elcin Temel aka hippychick7 from deviantart.com

 

With all my inane ramblings and incoherent jumbled thoughts, I hope someone out there takes the time to look into their own reflection. Do you see someone you know? Do you see what others see? Is your reflection foreign to you?  Once I started admitting to myself the truth about how I felt, or what I thought, I found it easier to open up (which was a very hard thing for me to do). And to be perfectly honest, I haven’t felt happier.

There’s nothing wrong with saving face; but when you start to lie to yourself and others, you start to crack that reflection of yours, and you lose that clear, crisp image of yourself. And maybe we truly lie to ourselves when we are not happy with who we are. If you look into your reflection and see something you do not like, take the time to figure out why. There’s more to it than just “I feel fat”, or “I feel ugly”.  If you feel good about yourself, for who you are, and not what society and others want you to be – you will feel good about what you see, and just maybe that reflection of yours will smile back at you. Happiness doesn’t stem from just what our appearance is.  Example: I’m not unhappy because I’m overweight, I’m overweight because I’m unhappy. I won’t be happy if I lose weight, rather I need to be happy before I can ever lose weight.  Or it won’t ever happen.

My advice to anyone out there, who believes from time to time that they are worthless, or that no one cares and that you have to take care of yourself – don’t lie to yourself, because no one is worthless, and there is always someone there for you if you look for it. You deserve happiness, don’t let yourself or anyone else convince you otherwise.

Below is a poem I wrote with those thoughts in mind – and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much again for reading, I hope I gave you something to think about. Thank you Tom for having me here this month, it was an honour!


Clear Reflection
Avoid the looking glass; it haunts.
Sense its malice as it taunts.
Reflecting what you wish not to see –
but you are blind to true beauty.

Judge your face and your physique –
for every flaw an equal critique.
But the reflection shows within your eyes
just how much the mirror lies.

What you hold to be pure and grade,
is nothing more than just a face.
Truth of beauty lies within –
it is deeper than our skin.

A mirror (like our soul) can break;
and its reflection can be fake.
Do not dissect your defects,
look beyond what the mirror reflects.

 

“Feline Reflection” by Diana M. aka ladyspunky on deviantart.com

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About Cherlyn Cochrane aka cursemymetalbody

I live in Burlington, ON, Canada. I’m a recent graduate of the Food and Nutrition Program at Fanshawe College, and apart from looking for a job, I’m not up to too much lately! I enjoy movies, books, reading, writing, music, the internet, games – and especially coffee.

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  1. #1 by David on September 8, 2010 - 7:59 AM

    Cherlyn, I read your post and then Tom’s earlier one and the two really complement each other. Good job.

  2. #2 by Connie on September 7, 2010 - 10:34 AM

    Great post! I have a few things to think about today!!

    • #3 by Cherlyn on September 7, 2010 - 5:29 PM

      Thank you very much! :)

  3. #4 by Rose on September 5, 2010 - 3:13 PM

    I haven’t always been accepting of myself, but when I realized (not my own realization), I am wonderful in the eyes of my Creator, I began to start thinking about myself in the way God sees me. It wasn’t an overnight change but in the journey I was able to help a few others see things from God’s perspective as well. Excellent post!

    • #5 by Cherlyn on September 7, 2010 - 5:29 PM

      Hmm that’s an interesting take on my post. That thought process didnt necessarily go through my head, but it definitely makes sense. I’m glad that you’ve been able to find a way to respect and love yourself – and that you understand the importance of the journey :) So many people are afraid to go on that journey because it may take long or they are afraid, and it’s great to hear a very positive success story! Thank you very much for your comment!

  4. #6 by Scent of my heart on September 5, 2010 - 2:18 AM

    Dear Cherlyn, I don’t know anything about you apart from the few words you’ve shared here, but ….I like your thoughts…and let me tell you ..I believe we are all entitled to happiness, we are all meant to be something in this big world, even if it’s not something great as “Kings and Queens famous great” ..As long as you feel good in your own skin and you make a good friend,good child, good parent,good employee,good lover …etc. to someone, as long as you share the beauty and the peace that you carry …you are great …! If people around you choose to judge you for your appearance, but not for your soul and abilities …then you don’t need people like this! And yes,anyone of us can be strong enough …just the fact that you think the way you think makes you strong :) Don’t let small miseries of everyday life to bother you …keep only the good stuff, starting your day with a nice cup of coffee :) and the rest will come ..it always does! Just have faith! Good luck in everything you do!

    • #7 by Cherlyn on September 5, 2010 - 9:51 AM

      Thank you very much – after a night of oddities and a morning of confusion, these kind words are just enough to put a smile on my face and to feel ready to go on with the day! So again, thank you very much! :)

      • #8 by Scent of my heart on September 6, 2010 - 1:12 AM

        you’re welcome ..take care :)

  5. #9 by Jia on September 4, 2010 - 11:38 PM

    Hi Cherlyn, I found that most of your poems can relate to my life well. :) I like your writings and hope you’ll keep coming up with great poems! Have a nice day!

    • #10 by Cherlyn on September 5, 2010 - 9:52 AM

      Hellos! I’m glad you feel they can relate to your life too, sometimes I worry that people will just be thinking “this girl is way off base” or something haha. Thank you again, and hope you have a nice day too!

  6. #11 by Tom Baker on September 4, 2010 - 7:22 PM

    You always pick great photos to go along with your poems. This is a great post and a nice compliment to my other post without repeating the same thoughts. I never knew that people were such liars. I know people deny the truth to themselves more often then they might realize. It’s a reason I don’t give much weight when in court people bring in character witnesses. Unless a person is with another person 24/7 it is hard to know someone especially when that person doesn’t even know them self. I’m glad your friend Ryan stopped by.

    And by the way, you are beautiful.

    • #12 by Cherlyn on September 4, 2010 - 9:06 PM

      I’m glad I didn’t repeat too much of what you had already said – that was one thing I was worried about. I’m glad you like the photos too – usually I spend an agonizing amount of time picking them out…sometimes I’m too much of a perfectionist haha.

      And by the way – thank you very much as well! You’re beautiful too :)

  7. #13 by Rogue|Hero on September 4, 2010 - 5:31 PM

    Hi Cherlyn!

    You’ve made a great “rambling” post that serves as a very good reminder of self-acceptance. There are times when we feel comfortable in our own skin but then, we come across instances when we don’t. We feel bad about ourselves and so, we wallow in the negativity for so long.

    Well, I’ve been wallowing for some time, and reading this post is very timely (at least for me).

    I agree that we put up a mask in our day-to-day dealings with people. I think it’s both a protective barrier and a coping mechanism for when we deal with people we don’t really know or when we present a sensitive aspect of our persona. I think it’s not bad because it’s part of being human; it only does when it affects ourselves undesirably.

    Thanks very much for sharing your insights over a cup of coffee, and may you be able to reach out to more persons . . . with the cups of coffee that you serve.

    Cheers!

    • #14 by Cherlyn on September 4, 2010 - 9:04 PM

      Thank you very much for you kind words. I’m glad that you felt it was relateable to you. I know that even with my best efforts there are times when I feel that I hide myself behind these masks – who knows, it’ll probably happen tonight haha. I hope that in some way I can help people – and if coffee is involved, I’m there ;).

  8. #15 by cursemymetalbody on September 4, 2010 - 4:06 PM

    Oh, wanted to point out – I live in Burlington, not Burling :)

    • #16 by Cherlyn on September 4, 2010 - 5:16 PM

      thats my bad, didnt realize I spelt it wrong on my profile. Sorries!

  9. #17 by Ryan on September 4, 2010 - 10:19 AM

    You always write in a way that others can relate to what is written. I really took a good look at myself after reading this entry because you are completely on the mark, everyone has a false persona that they present.

    congradulations on the guest blog, i am so pround and happy for you!!!!!!

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