Ladies, Ladies, Ladies; Your Advice & Opinions Are Requested

Ladies, ladies, ladies. I had a very disturbing conversation with a blogging friend. First, let me say that I am honored that people feel as though they can contact me and share intimate details of their lives and second, it can be a bit daunting! Indeed, it is daunting and a huge responsibility, and that is why I am enlisting the aid of the wonderful female type persons that read this blog.

Help me please. As I stated, a blogger shared with me that he has friend (a woman), who is married. She is married to a man who is well liked, even loved throughout the neighborhood and he has a position of authority in their community. They have been married for more than twenty years. They have four children, all teenagers. One day while she was disciplining one of the children he just came out of the blue, grabbed her hair and dragged her down the hallway, then picked her up and threw her across the room. As near as we can guess, he did this because she was yelling at their child. More things transpired and she was so fearful that she asked for him to kill her.

Ladies, now it is your turn. You don’t know the full story and neither do I. Also I did not get permission before I posted this so please be tactful if you respond. My friend has already given his words of comfort to her but I would like to see what you’d say.

I am not seeking direct advice for her and I’m not trying to advocate divorce. I simply would like you to place yourself in her position and clearly and without any threats of murder, describe what you would do/would have done. Stay, leave, forgive and forget, call the police, grin and bear it… While this is directed for feminine expression, men you can respond too and say what you would do also in her situation. I won’t be replying to your comments because this is not about me, however I do thank you for your comments..

Saturday will be the first guest post of the new year by a nervous Te’Kia Miller. She is a wonderful poet and her works can be found on her blog, Tekia’s Blog. She is in the process of writing a short story. Short stories are in fact, her first love and Te’Kia’s favorite genre is science fiction. Her latest, The Fall of Gild City was originally scheduled for December 29th but was posted on January 1st. I was hooked and I’m not much of a reader (I’d rather watch the movie}, but this story is great so far.

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  1. #1 by JeLisa | Blogging Ever After on January 9, 2012 - 6:11 AM

    Yikes. That sounds like a dangerous situation I wouldn’t want myself or my kids in, I’d get them and me the heck out of there. Him not liking the fact or way that she was speaking to their child does not justify his horrifying actions. Unacceptable, dude. As I tell my preschoolers, “Use your words.”

  2. #2 by Inside the Mind of Isadora on January 9, 2012 - 5:29 AM

    Wow … here’s another one I missed. MMMmmmm … this is a very intense subject.
    I had a friend who was in an abusive marriage. She stayed. She was afraid. But, she had four kids.
    She was confused. She was very unhappy. It was hard for her because she had no one just her kids
    and husband. She put up with it. Guess what??? The kids started to act out on each other aggressively. They
    were mimicking the parents. Thank God there are shelters, now. She probably would have sought that if there
    had been one she could go to. There’s anger in that man…. AND … anger need to be addressed. It’s what causes
    the violence. Sadly, love should not keep you tied down to someone who disrespects you to the point of hitting.
    You are an adult not a child and you should not be treated like one. It’s easier said then done – I’m sure.
    Blessings and safety hugs sent to her.
    Isadora

  3. #3 by Cherlyn on January 9, 2012 - 4:32 AM

    Grin and bear it? Never Tom – I’ve been in an abusive relationship, though thankfully never quite to that degree. Call the police would be my tactic, or leave with the children. The best thing for her and the children is to find safety – being afraid is never any way to live. There’s no saying whether he will do it again to her, or to her children – and if he doesnt’ do it to the children, that sort of thing is something no child so witness.

    I don’t know the whole story, so I can’t be a full judge of what’s best to do. If it was me, I would call the police, and I would’ve done it when it happened – but I’ve got that fight in me from my past. I fully agree with pdasbarbara – abuse is NEVER an option, an excuse, or ever excusable. Any man who feels the need to dominate a woman and does so with full physical force sickens me.

  4. #4 by Broken Sparkles on January 8, 2012 - 3:28 AM

    No one should have the right to hit and beat and abuse. I have no tolerance for violence!!! Whatever the reasons there is always a peaceful solution to a problem. She, whoever she is should seek help and leave him … Staying with someone and accepting brutality in the name of the kids or in the name of what other people might say is a mistake …

  5. #5 by TemptingSweets99 on January 6, 2012 - 11:22 AM

    My decision would be to call the police and leave. Zero tolerance level for abuse, no matter the excuse.

  6. #6 by everythingloveandlust on January 5, 2012 - 12:10 PM

    No matter how loving a person or how long you have been with someone, they never have the right to get physical with you. I understand that it may be daunting to think about divorce after 20 years, to just walk alway from a life you’ve built. But I find it hard to believe that this happened out of the blue, that in 20 years she has never raised a hand to her. The good thing is her willingness to even talk about tells me that she is thinking about getting out of the situation. It is very important to not judge her husband and make her defend him because it will only back her into his corner. Battered women’s syndrome is real so tread lightly, being supportive and not too pushy when giving advice.

  7. #7 by pdasbarbara on January 5, 2012 - 3:23 AM

    No matter what the reason, abuse is not acceptable and should not be accepted. I dont know what the situation is and fact is it doesn’t matter… hitting is NOT the solution, period. If EVER I were to be a recipient of such abuse then I’d definitely pack up and leave. If not for myself then for my children, for they sure deserve better environment than that as an example of good parenting.

  8. #8 by ladywithatruck on January 5, 2012 - 1:24 AM

    As a woman who has been in an abusive relationship, the first time it happened, he wasn’t the least bit remorseful and I tried to explain that he could have killed me. I was sure he just lost control and would feel awful if he accidentally killed me. He didn’t seem concerned in the least so then I asked him to please not use a knife if he was going to kill me because I didn’t want to suffer.

    When he attacked my teen age son I called the police. I never called the police for myself.

    If I was the friend that she confided in I would ask her if she needs help or protection. I would tell her that it is never ok for a man to abuse a woman and ask if it has happened before. If she refused help I would make sure she had my number and tell her that if she ever feels she is in danger and needs to get away to not hesitate to call me. If she needs moral support to report the abuse to the authorities I will be there.

    If I witnessed it I would call the police.

    Its a tough call if you don’t know the whole story.

  9. #9 by elaviel413 on January 5, 2012 - 1:23 AM

    This is an extremely unhealthy situation and environment for the woman and her children. As a child who went through a divorce process between my parents and witnessing as well as hearing the abuse, it’s imperative that their safety comes first. She should remove them from this situation and seek help. No one should be subjected to this type of treatment.

    I will be thinking of them in my prayers and hope everything can be solved for the best.

  10. #10 by Dayle Lynne on January 5, 2012 - 12:07 AM

    Call the police, get the kids and leave. I was only 4 when my mother divorced my father and I still have memories of hiding in my bedroom while he hit her . . . and as she told me all my life, once is too much.

    My prayers are with your friend’s friend and her children.

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