Ashley Barela Asks Barbie, Where Are Your Nipples?

NSFW: Language

Ashley Barela asks:

What about your pubic hair, that beautiful bush? What about the follicles on your arms, your legs, your lower back like they were part of you? Do you ever have a pimple? Do you know what it’s like to feel menstrual pains? I’m sorry you’ve been stripped of all that is rightfully yours. Perhaps you’ll never know what you’re missing out on, for playing you for silly putty, you’re formed into an unrecognizable female in the boots (and high heels, and running shoes, and fashion feet) of pre-teen girls desperately trying to be women.

(If you were to speak, what would you say? Would you say something like, “I didn’t want it this way.” Would you cry out in pain or in sorrow, or grief? I’d like to know why you’re the victim of thieves.)

How many times have you been subjected to a new plastic surgeon? Do you even like to go to the beach? What about the market? Do you like carrying dogs around in little plastic purses? I wonder what your favourite (I mean, really, your favourite) place to eat would have been. I mean, you’re supposed to be me, aren’t you? Do you like the same bed sheets that I like? You’ve never touched a razor in your life and before I was old enough to have breasts like yours (minus the nipples of course), I had to learn how to shave my own legs. Barbie, you didn’t teach me about my vagina or masturbation. Your body showed no sign of a clit. What was that tiny pea-sized button of mine that I knew you didn’t have? Do you feel the same things as I do? Do you want to?

I know you want to. I’m sorry you’ve been stripped of all that is rightfully yours. I’m sorry you were based off of a German sex toy for men. I’m sorry your main owners are pre-teen girls looking to be as perfectly in proportion as you claim to be, when really, you’re anything but. I’m sorry, that before you became a goddess replacing original ideas, you were probably a someone just like me, with a bush and leg hair, a clit and a heart.

I know you’re begging for them and I promise, I will meet your maker and ask him why he didn’t give you nipples.

Repost with permission from December 12, 2011

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  1. #1 by Aliza on March 17, 2012 - 1:45 PM

    and there was a time when i wanted to be barbie!!! Thank God Im not lol

    • #2 by Tom Baker on March 17, 2012 - 1:48 PM

      I like you better as Aliza!

      • #3 by Aliza on March 17, 2012 - 1:53 PM


        • #4 by Tom Baker on March 17, 2012 - 1:57 PM

          You’ve been added to the blogroll!

          • #5 by Aliza on March 17, 2012 - 2:47 PM

            omg! thank you so much Tom

  2. #6 by Cherlyn on March 11, 2012 - 7:07 PM

    That is a wonderful post – truly thought provoking. Thank you for sharing it!

    • #7 by Tom Baker on March 11, 2012 - 9:22 PM

      Of course. I thought about it too late that it should have been posted on International Woman’s Day but it was December and I did not know about that day. I gave Ashley a firm date and I wanted to stick to it. I’m still amazed by the content. I suppose nipples scared away regular commenters.

  3. #8 by ambrosiapeyton on March 11, 2012 - 8:59 AM

    This is an amazing piece of writing. I went to Ashley’s and there was a comment on her post that Barbie once had nipples. I had no idea it was based of a sex toy. Mattel could have done better than that. A nice repost. A new word for me!

    • #9 by Tom Baker on March 11, 2012 - 9:15 AM

      Ashley has a way with words and I thought it appropriate to share with any female readers here.

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