30 Days Of Blogging Honesty: Day 3

Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themself for marriage…

I do now. I did not always think this way and I certainly did not wait until marriage but I really believe it would be a nice thing to experience for the new bride and groom. I hear often the argument that you need to know beforehand if the two of you are compatible. I think that a marriage is the biggest job you will ever have in life. It is a job. It is work! Just like any other aspect of married life, there is give and take. There are introverts married to extroverts. Meatatarians married to vegetarians. People with a low libido married to nymphomaniacs.

It’s all give and take. It’s all compromise. If you love your spouse you are going to want to please them in any way you can. If you love your spouse you are going to have to go out of your comfort zone on occasion and perform a sexual act you might not find enjoyable at first. Perhaps you will later. I don’t see anything wrong with saving yourself for marriage other than it being so hard to do, especially today. I truly am trying to live my life by the Bible so yes, I believe in waiting.

I also want to let everyone know that although I did not comment on most of your posts yesterday, I did read them. I did not want to disagree with your answers and I did not want to express my opinion because I believe my post today explains better to you, how I would have responded if I had commented on your post. I did not in anyway want to sound like a parent or a preacher/teacher. Everyone’s feelings and opinions are welcome at this 30 day honesty table and I did not want to come off as if I was being judgmental. Even though I would not have meant it to be, for fear of it coming across that way, I did not comment on most posts yesterday. No hard feelings I hope (paronomasia most definitely intended)!

Here is the most up to date listing of everyone participating:
Cherlyn Cochrane, Aurathena, TheFerkel, Prysmatique, AnonymousBurn, Caroline, Koi, Sylvia Garza, Mariana, Everything L&L, Nenskei, MyNakedBokkie, Bluefiadiarries, VeehCirra, Princesa Musang, DLonelyStar, TemptingSweets99, LJ, Terriblethinker, Marliz3e, Sleep and Salami, Primadonna Zel, Sofia, Happyhippierose, Melanie and Sajeev.

***There are three bloggers taking part in the 30 Days of Blogging Honesty that consider their blogs NSFW (TemptingSweets99, Everything Love & Lust and Sofia). Visit at your own discretion. If erotic or sexual material are not offensive to you, please do visit and comment.

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  1. #1 by Jackie Paulson on May 4, 2012 - 4:26 PM

    I do not believe in saving for marriage Tom, because in the 21st century we do not live in the “old fashion” days of Ol’ but then again I am 46 and learned so much from my cheating spouse, even after I saved for marriage…this was not an easy one for me.

  2. #2 by wildcatnova on April 10, 2012 - 7:58 AM

    I enjoyed your response. I think it made me realize that I *believe* in waiting, even if it’s not what I did. I don’t regret my decision, but I do believe in it for those who choose it.

  3. #3 by Jenn on April 9, 2012 - 8:48 AM

    Hey Tom, I definitely agree with you. Compromise goes a long way. But I personally believe (and this was my answer for Day3 in my blog) that in regards to saving yourself, it both YES and NO. If a person chooses to save himself/herself then good for them. But if they don’t and prefers to have pre-marital sex, then that’s their decision. The idea of saving yourself is now going to based on a persons choices and decision. I just hope that they won’t regret anything that they’re going to make.

  4. #4 by LJ on April 5, 2012 - 8:17 AM

    Compromise, that is important in any relationship! Very nice thoughts!

    • #5 by Tom Baker on April 5, 2012 - 7:34 PM

      Indeed compromise makes the world go round.

  5. #6 by dlonelystar on April 5, 2012 - 1:22 AM

    It is different for different people. I was not raised in a very religious home, so I don’t know any way else to live, and I’m pretty sure people who were raised by religious parents can say the oppposite.

    • #7 by Tom Baker on April 5, 2012 - 7:35 PM

      You are right and people will do what they feel is right for them.

  6. #8 by ambrosiapeyton on April 4, 2012 - 5:23 PM

    I really and truly want to wait. I like the cherry symbolism. You’re too cool Tom.

    • #9 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:26 PM

      Keep those cherries unpopped! It is very difficult but if you want to wait, I hope you can and will.

  7. #10 by TemptingSweets99 on April 4, 2012 - 5:13 PM

    marriage is work, indeed.

    • #11 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:29 PM

      Anything really, worth having/keeping requires work Sweets.

  8. #12 by savesprinkles1234 on April 4, 2012 - 11:59 AM

    Good post! I think waiting, or not waiting is a very personal choice and that people should do what feels correct for them.

    • #13 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:37 PM

      it is very personal. You are correct, maybe the most personal of all decisions in life.

  9. #14 by mynakedbokkie on April 4, 2012 - 9:28 AM

    Day 3 finally done and I totally agree with you Tom. X

    • #15 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:40 PM

      I really did not expect anyone to agree with me. Who would have thought the morning erection and the naked one would be for chastity!

  10. #16 by koisevilla on April 4, 2012 - 8:52 AM

    Bottom line, it all boils down to choices and being respectful towards the choices of others… :)

  11. #19 by Cherlyn on April 4, 2012 - 8:16 AM

    You shouldnt worry so much about how people will read your comments, but it was nice of you to put that in there :).

    I know you and I don’t share the same opinion, but that’s also what friendship is about – compromise and understanding. So though I may not agree, I don’t think you are wrong :).

    The question was a very devil’s advocate like question, and maybe I wanted to stir the pot when I wrote it. Or maybe it was revenge for all the questions that made me uncomfortable last year MUAHAHAHAHA. Just joking :P Lurve ya buddy!

    • #20 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 8:24 AM

      Actually I think that is fair. There were some thought provokers last year. Perhaps next year we get a third party to come up with the questions. You and Mariana are both little devil’s!

      That’s a nasty laugh by the way…

      • #21 by Cherlyn on April 4, 2012 - 8:25 AM

        Imagine lighting and eerie music when I do that laugh lol

  12. #22 by PM on April 4, 2012 - 6:34 AM

    i love how you started the answr: i do now. fantastic!

  13. #24 by terriblethinker on April 4, 2012 - 5:41 AM

    I agree with what you say also. I also agree with what veehcirra says. Undoubtedly many people are under the pressure of society, religious and family expectations. At the end of the day, it is your and your decision only

    • #25 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:46 PM

      Ms. Thinker you are correct, it is a very personal choice. I do feel for the girls who believe the crap lines that guys feed them just to get some and then leave them high and dry. It seems women always get the raw deal.

  14. #26 by Inside the Mind of Isadora on April 4, 2012 - 5:14 AM

    It’s so individual. I was from the old school. So was my mate. Odd to find that kind of combo.
    Celebacy was encouraged an taught. It’s not my place to tell people what to do with thoer live
    in that area. It is a matter of your own moral fiber. Not that if you are indulging your have no morals.
    No – I don’t mean that at all. It’s sometimes harder for someone who has had morality ingrained in them
    to step outside of that box. A hard quesiton, indeed.

    • #27 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:48 PM

      It was a hard question and it really kept me from commenting on a few blogs. I am ashamed since this is a requirement to take part in the challenge.

  15. #28 by Mariana on April 4, 2012 - 5:01 AM

    I felt the same way with commenting. I didn’t want to sound like I was angry if I disagreed, but it’s so hard to properly portray tone over the internet.
    Is there an easy way to get across that while you don’t 100% agree with a person’s argument it was well phrase and you respect it? I mean, I guess you could just say that, but it just doesn’t sound as natural.

    • #29 by terriblethinker on April 4, 2012 - 5:43 AM

      i have had this problem many times. How to be careful while expressing opinions over the net. I guess, it depends a lot on the maturity of us. How much we can take things in stride. Yes, it is a tricky topic with diverse range of opinions possible. I think if we understand that, ..it would be easier.

    • #30 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:51 PM

      You’re right, somehow it doesn’t seem genuine. I want to convey that I respect everyone’s opinion and that is the important part about the honesty –> that other’s respect the answers and opinions of everyone else. I do love the comradery this year! I’m proud of my peeps!

      • #31 by Mariana on April 4, 2012 - 6:16 PM

        It just comes off a a canned response.

        I’m really glad I decided to do 30DBH. I was hesitant at first and it is hard work, especially since I’m doing it at the same time as VEDA. It feels nice though to participate in such a big conversation. :)

        • #32 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 6:28 PM

          Well my friend, you know I’m glad you are a part. I wouldn’t want it any other way. How ’bout next year too?!

  16. #33 by Cathy on April 4, 2012 - 4:14 AM

    I also believe in waiting. I’m not being hypocrite though and I know that even if I believe in it does it mean I am sure I can. Well, whatever the future holds. How I envy those people who managed to. Must have been blessed with a lot of self-control. Haha

    • #34 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:54 PM

      What some find fumbling and uncomfortable, I would find an amazing discovery by the couple. What a gift to unwrap on the wedding night.

  17. #35 by Sofia on April 4, 2012 - 3:37 AM

    “If you love your spouse you are going to have to go out of your comfort zone on occasion and perform a sexual act you might not find enjoyable at first.”
    Ah if only this was true, especially when it comes to kink, fetishes and what some consider taboo… if the spouse was honest with their better half and the other spouse did it for love and was into it (that is important who wants to be with someone that is not enjoying it or worse pretending to like it and be fake about it) then yes world would be a better place and people will not only stay faithful but be satisfied.

    I am trying to comment on people’s post and it’s hard…lol So I understand. No hard feelings on my part. :)

    • #36 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:54 PM

      Thanks for trying Sofia. This question has taught me not to have questions like this in next years!

      • #37 by Sofia on April 8, 2012 - 2:53 AM


  18. #38 by Sylvia on April 4, 2012 - 2:44 AM

    Just as the answer to this questions, there are going to be many opinions and reactions when someone reads it. The thing I am getting out of this 30 Days Of Blogging Honesty is that these are my thoughts and I’m putting myself out there for others to read. If they agree, disagree, ignore or have a comment… it’s all good. And if it isn’t, don’t read it. I don’t mean to be flippant about it, but I rather be able to express myself and have other express themselves than not being able to. Hey, that’s just my two-cents.

    • #39 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 5:56 PM

      Sylvia, that is exactly what this month is about. You have summed it up but I still want people to comment and I was not showing a good example.

    • #40 by dlonelystar on April 5, 2012 - 1:20 AM

      I agree w/ Sylvia!

  19. #41 by Vanessa Chapman on April 4, 2012 - 2:20 AM

    Like veehcirra, I believe that individuals should do what feels right for them (unless my children are reading this, in which case everyone should definitely wait for marriage, hehe). On the plus side of waiting till marriage, or at least waiting till you are with “the one” (as best as you can ever know that) – I think that most people don’t particularly like the thought of their partner having been with other people before them. Even though I’m not the jealous type, and of course I accept that my partner has been with other people, the same as I have, there are times where he might mention a past partner and I just don’t like to imagine him having been as intimate with other people as he is with me. Or you wonder if they liked it better with the other people than with you. I can see that if you have both waited for marriage, then you don’t have any of that to worry about – of course that is assuming an ideal scenario of you marrying the person that you are happy to stay with forever. I don’t know though, how many people these days only ever have sex with one person? And do they feel they’ve missed out?

    • #42 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 6:00 PM

      Answers are always different when children are involved! Also, as you stated most people don’t want to think about the other people their spouse has bedded.

  20. #43 by veehcirra on April 4, 2012 - 1:10 AM

    This question does not have a definite answer really. It all depends with what an individual feels is right for them. Ignoring all external pressures and society’s expectations.

    • #44 by Tom Baker on April 4, 2012 - 6:02 PM

      The question was posed as just an opinion and not the end all. You are correct Veeh!

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