Archive for category Cherlyn Cochrane

Guest Blogger, Cherlyn Cochrane

Cherlyn Cochrane joins the list of only one other blogger; Chris Ferrell, who has guest posted twice on Morning Erection.
This post required a lot of soul searching and much reflection. It is not meant in anyway to illicit from you pity or judgement. Cherlyn is not only this month’s guest blogger but also my good friend so like I ask every month – please leave a comment and check out her awesome blog.
This post is a two pager. Be sure to click on page two at the bottom to continue.


Labor Day, Alcohol and Aunt Kay

I’ve often asked myself in the past six months or so, “How did I get this way?” It’s one of those questions with either infinite answers or absolutely none at all. Most people can’t pin-point the exact moment or time when they shut down completely – I however, can pinpoint the precise moment.

Labor Day weekend is typically uneventful for most of us, and I can admit I have absolutely no idea the significance of the day other than the fact that I typically get the day off and get extra pay. My friends and I will find any excuse to get-together and drink, and this past Labor Day weekend was no exception. And now, it has its own type of significance.

The summer of 2011 wasn’t typical for me; I was going out with my friends more, drinking, staying up late and basically enjoying my college years (…after I had already completed college. I suppose I tend to do things a bit backwards). Normally that would sound like a rather good summer, but to be frank, I was anxious for it to be over. For whatever reason, 2011 was a year I decided I had had enough of being alone. After spending a good few months being rejected, I had dared to attempt online dating. My summer comprised mostly of me meeting new singles, trying to find someone I could stand being around for more than a day and who could stand being around me. So while I enjoyed going out, I was looking forward to the constant meeting of new people, the constant first (and only) dates to be over, and to move on – to change seasons to be obviously metaphorical.

A few bad dates here and there, I was starting to lose hope, lose confidence in myself. I was trying to arrange a meeting with someone I had been talking to for a while that sounded like a nice enough guy. After a few evenings of him not responding to my messages, I was in need of some comfort so I visited a friend’s house for a few drinks. This would be the start of my infamous Labor Day weekend.

I knew I’d be having a few drinks the following night, and was hoping to not drink too much this Friday evening. What kick started my drinking binge of the weekend was my friend’s Aunt Kay.

We sat outside on their back porch, it seemed only fitting to enjoy one of the last nights of the summer enjoying the warm air and blue skies while it lasted. It was my friend, her mother, aunt and I, sharing a few glasses of wine. The topics were nothing of relevance, films and music, normal topics. The artist Adele was brought up, as we and the rest of the nation was entranced with the single Rolling in the Deep. As I would learn to be in typical “Aunt Kay” fashion, she said bluntly, “She’s really pretty for a fat girl. You know CiCi, if you cut your hair, and wore some make up, you’d be really pretty too.”

I’m almost positive at this moment now she was probably trying to give me a compliment. The positive person in me wants to see the good in everyone and I would like to believe no one would go out of their way to make me feel bad. Another part of me feels like I did then, and that is embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I was sitting in the company with slender, beautiful, women, most of all being my friend, and I felt like a cow who interrupted their civil conversation.

This is what began my irrationality for the rest of the weekend. Though I don’t necessarily blame her for the rest of the weekend and my own resulting feelings, but when I think of this moment I do sour. The angry Scot in me hopes for another moment in the future where I can really stick it to her. That, or head-butt her.

For a few hours after that, I spent the evening with my friend in her room downing glass after glass of wine until I succumbed to a blissful numbness and tingling over my body. It wasn’t until about 9:30 p.m. that Tom, the guy I was talking to and hoping to meet, called me and wanted to do drinks that evening. He invited along my friend. Figuring there’s no harm going out for a little while more, the three of us went out for drinks.

I was nervous, and looking back I realize I probably should’ve met him alone. Sure, I was comfortable with my friend, but it’s better to meet someone new (especially in a date setting) alone. He wasn’t extremely talkative, making me more nervous. My friend did a lot of talking and I thought after a half an hour and a few shots things were going all right. He invited a friend out and we ended up bar hopping. When we got to the bar Emma’s, and he stalked off with his friend; my friend and I bought a drink and he started ignoring us. My friend and I went to the bathroom and then bought another drink. When we returned to where Tom and his friend were sitting beforehand, they were gone – he didn’t respond to my text messages or even have the courtesy to send me a message the next day.

For the second time that night I felt awful. There’s no feeling quite like feeling undesirable. I feel like I was rightfully upset, but I know I didn’t deal with it well. I had another drink, then another one. The bits and pieces I do remember involve two attractive black guys, kissing, fondling, and driving around. Luckily I made it home accompanied only by the hangover that would ensue.

The next day was the day of my friends’ party. They lived in Etobicoke, which meant a fair amount of travel time. To be quite honest, I really didn’t want to go. I knew that seeing my friends would be a lot of fun but I just wanted to mope around in my house. I sucked it up and went anyways.

I had been feeling kind of gross all day and decided I didn’t want to drink. I had about one drink for the first two or three hours of the evening. And as much as I love my friends, they can be a little pushy or moody when not everyone is drinking – I guess they sometimes think it’s like we can’t have fun without the alcohol. I ended up drinking more than I intended, at first to just shut them up, and then because I was getting drunk and I apparently don’t know the word “no” when I’m drunk.

My mood wasn’t the greatest, but I was pretty good at pretending I was fine – that is, until Tom sent me a text message asking for my friend’s number.

Now, that may not sound like a good enough reason to act like such a moron as I did, and it probably isn’t a good reason. But when you spend a good portion of your teenage years and now the beginning years of your adulthood being compared to your hot friends and knowing you’ll never be as attractive as they are, as skinny as they are, and as wanted as they are, sometimes you just can’t fake a smile on your face.

Continued on page 2.

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Thank You Cherlyn Cochrane

“Glow” by midnightreflections on http://www.deviantart.com

Cherlyn Cochrane aka Cursemymetalbody

I must first thank you Cherlyn (above) for deciding to not only be a guest blogger but for doing so less than two weeks before post date. My other guests have known months in advance sometimes and had all that time to gather their thoughts and compose an awesome post. You did it and it was a great post.

I can tell you put a lot of thought into the feelings you typed on your keyboard. I’m glad you are happy now and I hope you continue to be happy (and I’m not lying). I too have been happy lately because first, The Most Beautiful Girl In The World post was so well received, second because it appears that I am back on schedule with my first Saturday of the month Guest posts, and thirdly and most importantly, my wife April is whole again. I surely hope she never gets that sick again.

Sometimes we find it difficult to be honest to ourselves let along anyone else. I hope your post can help others in their personal trials come to grips with the struggles they face and have great success overcoming their short comings. April asked me to tell you she is very impressed with your Clear Reflection poem. One day I might be able to get her to sign up for WordPress and make her own comments. Merci beaucoup.

If you missed her post yesterday please take a minute and read it. I would also like to thank all who left comments. I appreciated them and I’m sure Cherlyn did as well. I do not have a confirmed guest for October however there are two people interested.

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The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

This post was inspired by a poem I read called Cannot Fly. When I read the poem I started thinking about how much pain and sorrow there is in the world and how we usually try to box ourselves into our comfy little world and think everything else is fine. Well when even one person is hurting, everything else is not fine. Sometimes we box our self into a very uncomfortable world.

I have been very fortunate to know lots of girls/women in my life. Some were short, some were tall. Some were rich and some poor. Some were very smart and some not so much. Some were thin and some were heavy. They were Black and White, Yellow, Brown and Red. Despite their differences they most likely had one thing in common; unhappiness or a lack of self esteem that they hid from all but a few. Some of these girls were burdened with carrying a heavy load and left unchecked turn into baggage that gets carried around and infests every aspect of their lives, but especially in their marriages.

I sit here writing this post because I deeply care. I genuinely care about people. People I know and those I don’t and here on this blog where I am ‘kind of” getting to know people. I am not a Mother Teresa, a Martin Luther King or someone like that but I do sympathize and can empathize with a lot of people in their different situations.

Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I have met some truly lovely, gorgeous, sexy women and some of them actually believe they are ugly. In their eyes they are and nobody can convince them differently. Why is that? The only truly ugly women that I know are only ugly because of their personality. They are mean, abrasive, brassy, know-it-all, think too highly of them self women. And who knows why they act the way they do, but they are not ugly looking. Simply ugly acting.

I have met women who have been molested or raped and some, most often by relatives. Some times it was over the course of years and for some just a one time torment. Regardless, they are survivors! Some things are not meant for children and sex is one of them. It’s not meant for children with other children and definitely not meant for children with adults. I’m not a religious person but I am beginning to understand the logic behind God’s demand for Christians to wait until marriage and then only between their own spouse. On a side note, ever since April (my wife) was ill for so long, I have begun looking into learning more about God.

Speaking with my sister Terri, I learned that so many females struggle not only with the way they look, but their weight specifically. Of course that might seem obvious to most people but I didn’t know to what extent. I was shocked to learn that it was common practice for her and her friends to take diet pills on a regular basis to curb their appetites. We are talking about girls who are either by government standards are the right weight for their height or who even weigh less than they should. My sister’s friends had no reason to take diet pills. But it was their perception that mattered, not the truth.

There are girls who are anorexic, or obese and over weight. Food is both friend and enemy. For some being overweight is just a fact of life and should they decided they want to lose weight, they could. For others food is a drug like alcohol and is used to comfort them or help them escape some deeper issue. Hollywood and Wall Street make things even more difficult by only showing one type of female. Young rich and thin. That is not reality…

Forgive me please. I could go on with much much more, but the longer a post is, the less likely it will get read in it’s entirety. I’m pretty sure you know every kind of girl mentioned in this post and for every one you know, there are those that behind closed doors suffer as well and you would never know. Love heals a multitude of problems. Find somebody you love and get to know them better. Talk with someone you don’t know (safely), and get to know them. Peel back the layers of people’s lives. Get to really know someone. Get them to open up. Open yourself up to someone. Get down and dirty. Dig into the dirt of peoples lives. Make them open up. You just might save a life.

I don’t mean that someone is thinking of committing suicide. I mean that there are people walking around everyday that are dead inside. They feel they have nothing to live for. They live destructive lives and pass that destructive behavior onto their daughters. It becomes a vicious cycle. Women are grandmothers in their twenties because their daughter who they had when they were a teenager, had a baby in her teens. Sometimes the cycle may never be broken. Sometimes it won’t be broken because you did nothing…

Ladies, life is too short. Girls are hurting and they are the backbone of society. They are the ones who will be raising the men of society. They are the ones marrying the men of our society. It is of the utmost importance to have the women of a society as mentally and physically healthy as possible.

Men. Love your daughters. Love your girlfriends or your wives. Love your sisters and most importantly your mothers. If you don’t have one or any of those find someone elses and show love to them (NOT SOMEONE ELSE’S WIFE). Don’t tell someone I told you to go have an affair with somebody’s wife. That is not what I am saying. And it may seem corny or simplistic to you or even for you, out of character; but love really is the answer.

A pretty woman or a cute girl can turn my head sometimes but a woman with true inner beauty can turn my heart every time.
~ Tom Baker

Why did I choose Prince’s The Most Beautiful Girl In The World? I recall watching the video and women of every background and shape were a part of the video. Prince is known for having the likes of Sheila E., Apollonia and Vanity hanging onto him. I wasn’t even aware that someone like Prince knew that women came in all shapes and sizes. He impressed me and I had a new found respect for the man and not just the musician. Every woman can be beautiful but it is the inward beauty that is most important. Their outward appearance is less important. It’s like the crust that kids peel off their slice of bread to get to the good part.

Fellows, let every woman you encounter be your favorite work of art. Women. Learn to love yourself and watch your world and the whole world change.

The woman who wrote the poem is Cherlyn (that’s C-h-e-r-l-y-n) Cochrane. You can find out more about Cherlyn by visiting her blog, Over A Cup Of Coffee and coming back here on September 4, 2010 as she will be the guest blogger.

Of course this post is just as apropos for males as it is for females. I don’t want to exclude the problems men face although nobody made a song for men like Prince did for women. Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world? Ladies you already are!

Photo Credit: Natalia Łowicka, Poem Credit: Cherlyn Cochrane

Please share this with someone, anyone. I don’t usually beg, however if you think someone might benefit from the reading of this post, I beg you to share it on any social network you are a part of. Please comment as well, positive or negative. Thanks for reading.

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Some content on this page was disabled on November 7, 2016 as a result of a DMCA takedown notice from Natalia Łowicka. You can learn more about the DMCA here:

https://en.support.wordpress.com/copyright-and-the-dmca/

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