Archive for category How To Ignore People

How To Annoy People List

I found this list on the Internet a few months back. I don’t advocate using any of these annoying tactics but I did find a few very amusing.The majority are immature enough to get a smile but not something anyone would really want to do. Please, enjoy.

How To Annoy People In An Elevator

Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Act like a dog, growl at people.
Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper “I think they want in…”
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Blow your nose on your sleeve.
Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
Bring a chair along.
Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
Burp, and then say “mmmm…tasty!”
Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
Clutch your stomach and gasp.
Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
Collect an elevator tax.
Count down from 100,000 out loud.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Eat jello through a straw.
Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!”
Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
Have a picnic in the elevator.
Have a seizure.
Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
Hug yourself.
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, “Bad touch!”
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them “was it good for you too?”
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make farm noises.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Make sure the emergency phone is working.
Meow occasionally.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
Offer hitman services.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
Open a lemonade stand.
Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
Pick your nose.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Play dead.
Play patty–cake with the door.
Play the harmonica.
Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
Pray to Budda.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Read a book upside down.
Recite poetry in monotone.
Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
Say “Ding!” at each floor.
Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
Scratch yourself.
Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
Sing: “I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves and it goes like this!” to the tune of “camp town lady”…..pause…..repeat….continually.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it’s getting larger.”
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
Start a sing-along.
Start reciting “Green Eggs and Ham” and ask people what comes next.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
Tap dance.
Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
Tell everyone about your love life.
Tell people you can see their aura.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won’t go off for at least another two minutes.
Throw a party in the vator!
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don’t use deodorant.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it.
Wear a Santa suit…in June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now… motion sickness!”
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, “Is that your beeper?”
When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “hide it…quick!” then whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.


Annoying Things To Do At A Drive Through Window

Specify that this order is “To Go”.
Drive through the drive in backwards and let your rear seat passenger make the order.
At midnight, ask if you are too early for Breakfast.
When ordering, start talking about the problems you were having with your car. Ask if somebody can take a look at it.
Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped
Laugh loudly when asked if you would like fries with your order.
Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said “Would you like fries with your order?”
When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just looking and drive off.
Tell them you have to use the bathroom – Don’t Order anything.
Order a hamburger, no bun with two ketchup sachets – Thats all.
Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don’t break your stare and say ” I know what you did to my food ! “.
When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the rubbish from your car in it.
Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
When they come on the intercom, say “Sorry, I’m not here at the moment, please leave me a message”.
Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.
Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
Attempt to take the order-takers order (“Hi, may I take your order?”) before they get a chance to take yours.
Order confusing items, i.e., “Hi, I’ll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please.”
In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage and ask if they’ll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
Drive through with a car load of naked people.
Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to “check out the babe.”


Annoying Things to Do at the Bowling Alley

Rent all the lanes, don’t bowl.
Wear a baseball uniform, bowl sidearm.
Sit in your lane and heckle others with a bullhorn.
Run around sprinkling “magic fairy dust” on everyone’s balls.
Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices
Wear golf shoes.
Every time you throw exclaim “TAKE THAT, YOU JERKS!” Continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.
When ever a strike “X” appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.
Explain to the owner how your game is “All sorts of messed up” due to plate tectonics, then lose him in lingo. Demand compensation.
Make lewd and graphic references to your “ball”. Works well on Senior Ladies night
Play bocci with extra lane balls
Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about plate tectonics again.
Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tongues, then sit down as if nothing happened
Bring full angling gear, ask how they’re biting.
Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how your hook is off.
Hide behind the pins, stick your head up laughing hysterically
Use a curling weight instead, bring a full team of sweepers
Throw refuse down the ball return, tell the owner the trash compactor is busted
Make your presence known by arranging pentagrams out of candles on every lane except yours
Root for the other team – bring banners.
Make fun of your team – bring lettuce.
Bring a foghorn, use at crucial moments.
Even if you miss totally–At the top of your lungs scream STEEEEEERIKE
Bring a small gold idol, demand the other team pray to it.
Rent all the lanes, don’t bowl.
Blatently UNderscore yourself, then accuse the other team of cheating.
When an opponent is on his backswing, race up and take his ball and run home.
If your team is in the finals, throw nothing but gutterballs and blame plate tectonics.
Trip EVERY member of the opposing team, trip your team, trip everyone.
Wear a baseball uniform, bowl sidearm.
Superglue police whistles to the hand-dryers. Leave town.
Walk around asking people why they are here. Do this the whole night.
Ask to use the house mic. Say you want to make an announcement, then expound on the sins of bowling.
Name your ball something like “KILLER”. Openly boast to everyone how great you are, throw like a wimp, do this all night
Sit in your lane and heckle others with a bullhorn.
Bring a dartgun. Be inventive.
Wrestle with your ball. (WWF Style) Ask someone to ref.
Run around sprinkling “magic fairy dust” on everyone’s balls.
Sponsor a Really Big Open Bowl Night. Don’t even have a entrance Fee, advertise it like crazy using every mass media known to man, make the 3rd Prize $10,000 and a Porsche, the 2nd Prize $5,000 and a trip to Europe and 1st Prize a coffee mug. Then sit back a watch the fights. Leave.

How to Annoy (Get Rid Of) A Blind Date

Hold a debate. Take both sides.
Repeat every third third word you say say.
Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
Ask your date how much money they have with them.
Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.
Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.
When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
Without asking, eat off your date’s plate. Eat more from their plate than s/he does.
Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements… i.e anything on the table that isn’t bolted down.
Hold a debate. Take both sides.
At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.
Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.
Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice.
Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
Repeat every third third word you say say.
Give your claim to fame as being voted “Most Festerous” for your high school yearbook.
Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
Stare at your date’s neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don’t know what they are talking about.
Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
Order a bucket of lard.
Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
Howl and whistle at women’s legs, especially if you are female.
Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.
Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.
Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her “What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?”
Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.
Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up.
Ask your date how much money they have with them.
Order for your date. Order something nasty.
Communicate in mime the entire evening.
Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.
Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.
Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
Undress your date verbally. Use a bullhorn.
Auction your date off for silverware.
Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you “never got”. When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal.
Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments.
Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, and use good judgement in editing to twist their words around.
Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or just nonsense).
Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.
If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.
Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.
Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you’re taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it’s a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.
Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.
Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a simliar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.
Accuse your date of espionage.
Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.
Don’t use any verbs during the entire meal.
Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to pay the bill.
Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.
Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you’ve brought along.
Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.
Quote Beavis & Butthead…escpecially in reference to how your date would like to be pleased.
Listen to violent music before going out. Recite all the expletives during your meal.
After kissing him/her explain that you’re doing a study on the spread of mononucleosis.
Shoot hoops with shrimp into his/her wine glass.
Show up with make up on ninety percent of youre body…all lipstick… especially if you’re male.
Dominate the conversation. Every time your date opens his mouth, interrupt and start a new conversation.
Belch. Rate yourself.
Complain of the effects of the acid you dropped before the meal.
Comment that the table would look simply marvelous with a severed head as a centerpiece.
As you food arrives, mention how long it’s been since you last ate raw meat.
Count your contraceptives.
Stroke your thigh while commenting how much you can’t wait until the meal is over.
Yawn. Don’t cover your mouth. Roar.
When the meal is done and the question arises of whether to go someplace else, politely decline saying that you have had your fill of bad taste for the night.


Annoying Things To Do At School

Leave a Snickers bar in the toilet.
Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
End the paper with “This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds”.
Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
Organize a bunch of people in one class to emit a low humming noise, keeping straight faces.
Organize a whole bunch of people to fall off their chairs at the same time.
Organize a whole bunch of people to drop their pencils/pens at a preset time.
Superglue quarters to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.
Write fake love notes and slip them into people’s lockers
If someone near you falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.
Lay a paper towel roll on the floor at the top of the steps and give it a kick, making sure you’ve taped the loose end to the floor already.
Place chalk inside the erasers so the teachers end up putting big ‘ol lines across the blackboard.
When you use the bathroom, get a LOT of soap on your hands (If it’s the slimy kind), but don’t wash it off, just leave goo all over doorknobs, railings, etc.
Screaming gibberish in crowded hallways is always good for a laugh.
Ask people to hold your hand when going down the stairs
Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.
Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.
Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.
Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
End the paper with “This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds”.
Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn’t possibly express what you had to say.
Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.
If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can’t do the paper because you’re not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.
Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it’s nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.
Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-|/??!]}.
Ol, switch alound arr the l’s and r’s in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, “I have a paper! I have a paper!”. Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, “There’s my paper!”, then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.
Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.
Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.
Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.
Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w’s whenevew you weawwy want to type r’s ow l’s.
Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington “Georgie”. Call Ben Franklin “Sparky”.
Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.
Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see “sociology in action.”
Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.
Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won’t see you until the next full moon.
The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can’t turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a “need to know” basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an ‘A’.
Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you’ll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor’s desk.
Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn’t retrieve the original.
Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it’s only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn’t. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is “less filling” or that it “tastes great”. Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers’ reactions to Spuds McKensie.
Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor’s door.
Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.


How To Annoy Your Parents

Paint your windows.
Boil ice cream.
Join Hell’s Angels by mail.
Redecorate your garage.
Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids.
Bury your fathers car. Tell your him the dog did it.
Challenge the neighbor kid to duel.
Climb a sidewalk.
Donate your brother’s body to science.
Have your cat bronzed.
Hot wax the bottoms of your brother’s dress shoes.
Learn to type…with your toes.
Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins.
Mow your carpet.
Paint your home…day-glo orange.
Pinstripe your driveway.
Plant a shoe.
Play Houdini with one of your siblings.
Plot the overthrow of your local School Board.
Pour instant concrete in your brothers waterbed.
Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.
Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)
Ride a loaf of bread.
See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.
Speak in acronyms.
Take apart all your major kitchen appliances. Mix and match the parts.
Take your sofa for a walk.
Turn your TV picture tube upside down.
Wax the ceiling.


How To Annoy Your Driver

Always tell the driver to slow down or speed up.
Every time you see a car pulling out, yell to the driver “Watch it!”
Point to the right and tell the driver to make a left.
All passengers should pretend to have their own brake pedal.
Always grab the dashboard or doorhandle and yell “Whoa!”
Always tell the driver to slow down or speed up.
As a passenger, feel free to take your shoes off and smell up the whole car.
Constantly remind the driver of road conditions.
Every time you see a car do something that ticks you off, ask everyone in the car with you if it is included it on the “How to drive like a Moron” webpage.
Every time you see a car pulling out, yell to the driver “Watch it!”
Grab the steering wheel if you feel the driver can not deal with a traffic situation.
If there is a mirror on the passenger side door, it’s there for the passenger. Feel free to adjust it at will.
Make sure that you put your chewed bubble gum into the ashtray, unwrapped.
No matter what lane the driver is in and where you are going, always tell the driver that we would be better off in the next lane.
Point to the left and tell the driver to make a right.
Point to the right and tell the driver to make a left.
When at a traffic light, inform the driver the millisecond the light turns green.
When being picked up as a passenger, bring a messy powdered sugar donut and a large uncovered cup of coffee. Then, complain whenever the driver hits a bump in the road.
When directing the driver to make a left turn, tell him to make a “You-turn”. When directing the driver to make right turn, tell him to make a “Me-turn”.
When giving directions, tell the driver to turn after you pass the intersection.
When giving the driver directions, always mean to say one thing and tell the driver another. Then when the driver gets confused and passes a turn, yell.
When in the middle lane in heavy traffic, tell the driver that you really need to be in the right lane. Then when you finally cut another car off to be in the right lane, tell the driver you made a mistake and that this lane is going to end.
When riding with other passengers, always jump in the front passenger seat and yell “Shotgun!”
When traveling straight, tell the driver to get into the left lane. A lane that suddenly becomes a “left-lane-must-turn-left”.
Whenever possible, adjust all the dashboard controls, including the radio, heat, and fan.
Whenever the driver parks, get out and inspect whether or not the car is properly parked within the lines.


How To Annoy Other Drivers

Keep your brake light blinking by keeping one foot on the brake pedal at all times.
If you are on vacation and you see any sort of wildlife, stop in your lane to take a lot of pictures.
Make sure you have at least one of the following bumper stickers:
“I may be slow but I’m ahead of you”
“If you don’t like my driving, get off the sidewalk”
“If you can read this, you’re too close”
“I’d rather be skiing”
“I brake for no apparent reason”
On multi-laned roads, always drive at the same speed as the vehicle next to you. Try to “box” in drivers behind you, who are attempting to pass.
Slow down drastically for every little bump in the road.
Swerve into the opposite lanes to avoid hitting roadside obstacles… like Styrofoam cups and Twinkie wrappers.
Use your driving time as an opportunity to have an intimate encounter with your significant other.
When approaching a curve in the road, slow down as if the road is ENDING.


Annoying Things To Do During A Job Interview

While shaking hands get into a heated thumb wrestling match.Repeat everything your interviewer says, keep going until he or she yells at you. Then ask if you got the job.
In the beginning of the interview pull out a gun and put it on the interviewer’s desk in front of you, then say, “Mind if I rest this here during the interview?”
Ask for a company Porsche.
Comment on how much you like your interviewer’s spouse’s picture, then take it and put it in your briefcase.
During the interview reach over and grab at your interviewer’s face and say, “Got your nose” while clenching your fist, demand that you get hired or you won’t give back their nose.
Announce that you are committing a hostile take over of the company, fire your interviewer.


Annoying Things To Do In A Swimming Pool

Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
Stand on top of the high board and say you won’t come down until your demands are met.
Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, “Oh yeah… oooh that feels soooo good….”.
Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.
Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say, “Wheee! I’m Batman!” while running around.
Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.
Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.