Archive for category Self Esteem
A few friends are struggling. Perhaps more than I know because not everyone confides in me. They are struggling and suffering. Suffering from the Being Single Syndrome. While not everyone manifests the exact same symptoms in the same way, it has become obvious to me that these young ladies share this affliction. I like to preface any post I do like this (one that involves dispensing ‘help’ or ‘advice’ by saying I am not an expert in any field of study. I’m just a caring individual who knows a little bit about human nature.
You are free to do with it as you please. Sometimes we get impatient. We lose sight of the goal because of all the obstacles in our way. The obstacles that I am talking about are the boys and men that don’t live up to your standards. The ones who don’t measure up. The ones who have a nice body with little or nothing between their ears. The ones who have little or nothing to offer except what is dangling between their legs. The ones without a job but more than willing to let you pay for everything. The ones who are only using you. The ones who are married. The ones who want to bed you and leave you. The ones who are not looking for a serious relationship. The ones with no ambition past sundown. The ones, ad nauseam…
I understand ladies. You are lonely and what’s worse, alone. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired and by yourself. So you settle for anything the cat drags in. Perhaps a half eaten mouse or the neighborhood rat. You know that guy who cares less about you than he does himself. Sometimes when dealing with matters of the heart we do what the heart tell us to do and completely ignore what our brains are telling us. I’ve been there. I’ve made mistakes by following my heart.
How can you help it though? The need, the longing and desire to be loved and to give love is so strong. The need to be held and hear someone (sometimes anyone) tell us we are special even if they don’t believe it themselves is real. They say it because maybe there is a sexual reward on the other end of that compliment. In this modern world we are not taught to wait for good things. We have microwaves, cell phones, almost everything we need at any given time is right at our fingertips. Why then should you wait for the man of your dreams?
Because he exists. He is out there waiting for you but if you are out messing with some knucklehead, you might just miss him. You sweetheart are special. There is no other like you anywhere. If it means waiting patiently until you find the man who lives up to your standards, then wait. All I wanted to do with this post is beg those who the post is directed to, to know that often following your heart is the worst advice anyone could ever give you. Along with our need to be loved is our selfish hedonistic side. The side that wants pleasure now and instant gratification. When you are lonely and the prospect of being with someone comes into play, the heart can be very selfish and will at any opportunity embrace comfort and companionship regardless of how, with whom or when.
To make wise choices you need to access the gray matter. You need advice from people willing to tell you the truth because it is what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. We have a tendency to seek advice from those we know will be on our side. We tend to ignore the wisdom of parents for people our own age who have the same if not more problems than we do.
Don’t waste your time on someone who is not worthy of your time, effort or love. I don’t want to see you taken advantage of or made a fool. You are special beyond words. You are a queen in need of a king. Don’t settle for anything less than royalty. You are too special to me (even if you are reading this and don’t know me), for me not to have taken the effort to write this. You don’t have to act upon this post but after today, it is all on you. The knowledge is in you because you took the time to read this. Embrace or ignore. Either way all will be reveled, all in good time.
poem credit to Roshni Jacob
Coincidentally Roshni will be the featured poetess for the July Poetic License
Airlines have adopted a business practice that is also true in the practical application of your personal life. Airlines now charge you for the luggage you take with you on your trip. Air travel has not been the same since September 11th. September 11, 2001 was a horrible tragedy. Sorry to say in your personal life you begin to carry extra baggage with you throughout your lifetime because of a tragedy or traumatic event that you have experienced.
It’s baggage that much like the airlines, you pay for but you pay for it forever. It follows you in your friendships, it creeps into your marriage and affects you on your job and the way you relate to your boss and co-workers. More than that, it haunts YOU!
To make matters worse we often despise the very thing we ourselves have become because of the baggage — the hurt we carry around. We also nurture that very same behavior in our children without even realizing it. Do you know any alcoholics who have parents who were alcoholics? How often does the husband who abuses his wife have a father who did the same thing to his wife. The son may have witnessed the horrible behavior, despised his father for it, but he became the very thing he hated in his father.
It’s a vicious cycle. Women who had a baby when they were a teenager often have daughters who get pregnant and have babies when they are still teenagers – maybe even at a younger age than their mother had her.
We need to learn to let go of that baggage. You need to do whatever it takes to stop paying for the wrongs that may have been perpetrated on you. It really starts with you! No, I am not a psychiatrist. I am not someone who should even be giving advice because I don’t even subscribe to most of the theories ‘professionals’ do. I am just a person who has had lots of people take to him. More people have leaned on or cried on my shoulders than I can remember. I feel strongly that I know what I’m talking about.
You have to first purpose it in your heart and mind to forgive the person or person(s) that wronged you. LET IT GO! It won’t be easy but most things worthwhile, aren’t. I’m not telling you t try to forget what was done to you. You need to remember. You might be someone later on in life to help someone else who has gone through the same thing you did. You might be the only one who can help him/her.
You need to forgive the person who wronged you. All the hurt, pain, bitterness, anger and suffering that you are taking on a life long journey; I can assure you the person who caused you all the pain is not experiencing any themselves. They might not have even given you a second thought in years. In order to move on with your life and let go of all the baggage you have to do the one thing you never dreamed of. You need to forgive that person so you can move on. Forgiving is freeing. It is a lifter of spirits. Forgiveness is a natural high! You will feel the weight of the world melting off your shoulders.
Get that emotional baggage off your back. Free your heart of all the junk you have bee harboring for all those years and be free. If you can’t do it alone, find a ‘trustworthy’ friend who you can talk to. They don’t need to give advice to you, you just need a good listener. Also be sure the person is trustworthy. The last thing you want is someone telling your business all over town or worse, the Internet.
If you need a psychiatrist, get one but don’t buy into that ‘therapy for years’ spiel. If you need to get down on your hands and knees, do it. Whatever it takes to free yourself — DO IT!
Bitterness and regret are cancers, but they only eat away at you and not the person who’s actions caused you your pain and bitterness. Whether you are in your teens, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or above; it’s never too late to release the beast and really start living your life. Do it now. Get off your butt and make the rest of your life something beautiful — STARTING NOW!
The very best for you, your friends, family and especially your children or children to be, is waiting for you. Be aware, not everyone wants to see you happy. Be prepared for that as you begin healing.
Happy New Year!
- The Power of Forgiveness (socyberty.com)
- The Most Beautiful Girl In The World (morningerection.wordpress.com)
- Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness (www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131)
- Forgiveness: What Does The Bible Say (http://christianity.about.com/od/whatdoesthebiblesay/a/bibleforgivenes.htm)
- Delta Sky Magazine rejects ad telling passengers how to avoid baggage fees (walletpop.com)
This post was inspired by a poem I read called Cannot Fly. When I read the poem I started thinking about how much pain and sorrow there is in the world and how we usually try to box ourselves into our comfy little world and think everything else is fine. Well when even one person is hurting, everything else is not fine. Sometimes we box our self into a very uncomfortable world.
I have been very fortunate to know lots of girls/women in my life. Some were short, some were tall. Some were rich and some poor. Some were very smart and some not so much. Some were thin and some were heavy. They were Black and White, Yellow, Brown and Red. Despite their differences they most likely had one thing in common; unhappiness or a lack of self esteem that they hid from all but a few. Some of these girls were burdened with carrying a heavy load and left unchecked turn into baggage that gets carried around and infests every aspect of their lives, but especially in their marriages.
I sit here writing this post because I deeply care. I genuinely care about people. People I know and those I don’t and here on this blog where I am ‘kind of” getting to know people. I am not a Mother Teresa, a Martin Luther King or someone like that but I do sympathize and can empathize with a lot of people in their different situations.
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I have met some truly lovely, gorgeous, sexy women and some of them actually believe they are ugly. In their eyes they are and nobody can convince them differently. Why is that? The only truly ugly women that I know are only ugly because of their personality. They are mean, abrasive, brassy, know-it-all, think too highly of them self women. And who knows why they act the way they do, but they are not ugly looking. Simply ugly acting.
I have met women who have been molested or raped and some, most often by relatives. Some times it was over the course of years and for some just a one time torment. Regardless, they are survivors! Some things are not meant for children and sex is one of them. It’s not meant for children with other children and definitely not meant for children with adults. I’m not a religious person but I am beginning to understand the logic behind God’s demand for Christians to wait until marriage and then only between their own spouse. On a side note, ever since April (my wife) was ill for so long, I have begun looking into learning more about God.
Speaking with my sister Terri, I learned that so many females struggle not only with the way they look, but their weight specifically. Of course that might seem obvious to most people but I didn’t know to what extent. I was shocked to learn that it was common practice for her and her friends to take diet pills on a regular basis to curb their appetites. We are talking about girls who are either by government standards are the right weight for their height or who even weigh less than they should. My sister’s friends had no reason to take diet pills. But it was their perception that mattered, not the truth.
There are girls who are anorexic, or obese and over weight. Food is both friend and enemy. For some being overweight is just a fact of life and should they decided they want to lose weight, they could. For others food is a drug like alcohol and is used to comfort them or help them escape some deeper issue. Hollywood and Wall Street make things even more difficult by only showing one type of female. Young rich and thin. That is not reality…
Forgive me please. I could go on with much much more, but the longer a post is, the less likely it will get read in it’s entirety. I’m pretty sure you know every kind of girl mentioned in this post and for every one you know, there are those that behind closed doors suffer as well and you would never know. Love heals a multitude of problems. Find somebody you love and get to know them better. Talk with someone you don’t know (safely), and get to know them. Peel back the layers of people’s lives. Get to really know someone. Get them to open up. Open yourself up to someone. Get down and dirty. Dig into the dirt of peoples lives. Make them open up. You just might save a life.
I don’t mean that someone is thinking of committing suicide. I mean that there are people walking around everyday that are dead inside. They feel they have nothing to live for. They live destructive lives and pass that destructive behavior onto their daughters. It becomes a vicious cycle. Women are grandmothers in their twenties because their daughter who they had when they were a teenager, had a baby in her teens. Sometimes the cycle may never be broken. Sometimes it won’t be broken because you did nothing…
Ladies, life is too short. Girls are hurting and they are the backbone of society. They are the ones who will be raising the men of society. They are the ones marrying the men of our society. It is of the utmost importance to have the women of a society as mentally and physically healthy as possible.
Men. Love your daughters. Love your girlfriends or your wives. Love your sisters and most importantly your mothers. If you don’t have one or any of those find someone elses and show love to them (NOT SOMEONE ELSE’S WIFE). Don’t tell someone I told you to go have an affair with somebody’s wife. That is not what I am saying. And it may seem corny or simplistic to you or even for you, out of character; but love really is the answer.
A pretty woman or a cute girl can turn my head sometimes but a woman with true inner beauty can turn my heart every time.
~ Tom Baker
Why did I choose Prince’s The Most Beautiful Girl In The World? I recall watching the video and women of every background and shape were a part of the video. Prince is known for having the likes of Sheila E., Apollonia and Vanity hanging onto him. I wasn’t even aware that someone like Prince knew that women came in all shapes and sizes. He impressed me and I had a new found respect for the man and not just the musician. Every woman can be beautiful but it is the inward beauty that is most important. Their outward appearance is less important. It’s like the crust that kids peel off their slice of bread to get to the good part.
Fellows, let every woman you encounter be your favorite work of art. Women. Learn to love yourself and watch your world and the whole world change.
The woman who wrote the poem is Cherlyn (that’s C-h-e-r-l-y-n) Cochrane. You can find out more about Cherlyn by visiting her blog, Over A Cup Of Coffee and coming back here on September 4, 2010 as she will be the guest blogger.
Of course this post is just as apropos for males as it is for females. I don’t want to exclude the problems men face although nobody made a song for men like Prince did for women. Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world? Ladies you already are!
Please share this with someone, anyone. I don’t usually beg, however if you think someone might benefit from the reading of this post, I beg you to share it on any social network you are a part of. Please comment as well, positive or negative. Thanks for reading.
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