Posts Tagged Self Esteem

My Vagina Dialogue

I thought long and hard before deciding to go ahead with this post. Most of my followers are women. They follow because they must like in some way, what they read. All of the women who follow this blog have a vagina so I really shouldn’t be so worried about what people think. For those it offends, they might not read it, to those who read it, I hope you learn something.

This post is more a reaction from me to a subject that is close to my heart: self esteem. You might be familiar with earlier posts of mine and the poll I created for women. Well this is just a bit of information that made me sad so I thought I would share. This post might be considered NSFW but I really believe it is just PG-13. Still to protect myself and the innocent, the language below is explicit.

A Few Vaginal Facts

  • Only one in 10 women think that there is no shame in having discussions about the female genitals.
  • Up to 89% of women do not think their genitals are attractive, sexy or beautiful.
  • Almost half of women (47%) believe the vagina is the body part they know least about.
  • More than half (57%) of women think their genitalia is an improper size.
  • Only half of women have ever performed a self-exam of their genitals, and one-quarter (24%) has not looked at her vulva in a year or longer
  • Women perceive their genitals very differently than their spouse/partner perceives their genitals.
  • Since 2005, Google has reported a “Breakout” increase (more than 5000%) for numerous search terms and phrases related to female genital cosmetic surgery, including “labia surgery”, “labiaplasty”, vaginal rejuvenation”, “vagina surgery cost”, and many more. Note that each search independently increased by more than 5000%.
  • Since 2005, Google has reported a “Breakout” increase for numerous searches related to the notion of a “normal” vulva, including “normal labia minora”, “normal labia pictures”, “normal labia size”, “normal vulva”, and many more. Note that each search independently rose by more than 5000%.
  • In 2008 the medical group Surgicare (UK) saw a threefold increase in labiaplasty over the previous year, and inquiries rose seven fold in three years. Most women asking for the surgery were in their late teens or early 20s, though as young as 10 or 11. In almost all cases, requests came from women with completely healthy vulvas, but seeking more attractive genitals.
  • Women’s genital perceptions are significantly related to their gynecological care perceptions and intentions. (In other words, if a woman has negative perceptions about her genitals she is less likely to seek gynecological care.)
  • Among the top five questions asked to some popular sex educators is “Is my vagina normal?”

I am a very odd person. In a sea of men I would stick out like a sore thumb. I prefer natural to fake in almost everything. From food to breasts. From natural to make-up. I prefer a woman who inner beauty makes her beautiful outwardly because the inner beauty seeps out of the pores and demands people notice her outward loveliness. There are plenty of “attractive women” who have the personality of a bucking bronco and that makes them so ugly on the outside. Why do we let other people dictate to our sons and daughters how someone is supposed to look? Who died and made Hollywood, Vogue or Playboy the boss of femininity? It is passed time that we teach our children respect for themselves and respect for others again.

It’s way passed time to let them know that the color of their skin, the amount of money in their wallets, the clothes that they where or the house they live in is in now way any indication of their self worth. Every single person on this planet is special and unique and there will never be another soul like them. Everyone deserves the same amount of respect and love that the ‘pretty people’ or the ‘rich people’ or the people who don’t wear hoodies deserve. No one is better than anyone else. No not one.

Teach your friends and family. Your sons and your daughters that the way God made them is sufficient and approval from any other person is not required here. And ladies, if you want a true perspective on how your genitalia, ask any man how he feels about the subject. I guarantee he will tell you that the way God made a woman is one of the most beautiful sights to behold. Snow capped mountains, the arms of the Milky Way on a cool Winter night, the birth of a child, fresh snow fall that nobody has walked on, the crashing surf on an island paradise, and female genitalia are beautiful sights to behold.

Everybody wants to preach acceptance and tolerance of this thing and that thing. If you want to teach tolerance, it should begin at home with yourself. Learn to accept who you are first and it will be easier to accept others just the way they are.

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A Seriously Personal Poll For Females; The Results

At the time of writing this post, 96 girls/women have taken this poll. It has been over a year since I put it on Mister Poll. The poll really means nothing in the grand scheme of things however after writing the The Most Beautiful Girl In The World post I got to wondering. A lot of females have low self esteem and I wanted to see if there were any commonalities. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I may have missed the mark big time with this poll.

I don’t really know what to do with the raw data and all the responses are intermingled. Regardless of not using the scientific method to compile and present sound information, I can give you the results. Interpret the results for yourself. I just want girls and boys, men and women to realize that despite situations and circumstances; despite what parents do or do not do, regardless of what they think they see when they look in the mirror; our young women of the world are worth more than gold and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Our young men as well.

If you haven’t read The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, please do so. Warning, this is a long, long post. Not in words, but one long image.

A few of the questions required a written response so I picked a few that I found interesting to share with you. Some of the responses caused a physical pain in my chest. I could feel their pain as I read the answers. Some of the answers seem far fetched but when I compared these responses to their other responses, I concluded it might be genuine answers.

1. Finish this sentence. I would be much happier if _____?

a) Someone out there loved me for who I am, rather than what I could be if I lost a few pounds.
b) I could feel accepted.
c) I were a boy.
d) My mom was still alive.
e) My parents had not been killed.
f) I had never been sexually abused.
g) I was normal and skinny.

2. In response to the question, As a child were you ever touched inappropriately or molested by an older kid, teen or adult? I asked, Have you told anyone other than someone your same age?

a) A priest.
b) No, my mom told me that it would hurt our family and I need to forgive my brother because it is my fault for being a girl.
c) I am afraid bad things will happen if I do.
d) No I want to pretend it never happened,…….,EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
e) Yes the boy got put into jail as he was 18 (I was 12).
f) I really cannot tell anyone because it has been consensual between my younger brother and me. We talked about it ending when I leave for college.
g) No, I never did, and 6 of the 8 are dead now, haven’t seen the other two in years.

3. How do you feel when you see yourself naked?

a) I know I could lose about 20 lbs. and be happier with my appearance – but I think my curves are sexy and I’ve become very confident in my naked self.
b) I think I look sexy for my age.
c) I like the way I look.  I have a good figure and a pretty face that attracts attention where ever I go.
d) I’m a little heavy and have stretch marks, but overall good.
e)I generally like my nude body — and I think I am in good shape for my age — ah, but there’s the rub — I am no longer a teenager and haven’t been one for many years.
f) I try not to. I start wishing I had a better body but it doesn’t bother me that much.
g) Mad I let myself get like this.

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Airlines And Your Extra Baggage

Airlines have adopted a business practice that is also true in the practical application of your personal life. Airlines now charge you for the luggage you take with you on your trip. Air travel has not been the same since September 11th. September 11, 2001 was a horrible tragedy. Sorry to say in your personal life you begin to carry extra baggage with you throughout your lifetime because of a tragedy or traumatic event that you have experienced.

It’s baggage that much like the airlines, you pay for but you pay for it forever. It follows you in your friendships, it creeps into your marriage and affects you on your job and the way you relate to your boss and co-workers. More than that, it haunts YOU!

To make matters worse we often despise the very thing we ourselves have become because of the baggage — the hurt we carry around. We also nurture that very same behavior in our children without even realizing it. Do you know any alcoholics who have parents who were alcoholics? How often does the husband who abuses his wife have a father who did the same thing to his wife. The son may have witnessed the horrible behavior, despised his father for it, but he became the very thing he hated in his father.

It’s a vicious cycle. Women who had a baby when they were a teenager often have daughters who get pregnant and have babies when they are still teenagers – maybe even at a younger age than their mother had her.

We need to learn to let go of that baggage. You need to do whatever it takes to stop paying for the wrongs that may have been perpetrated on you. It really starts with you! No, I am not a psychiatrist. I am not someone who should even be giving advice because I don’t even subscribe to most of the theories ‘professionals’ do. I am just a person who has had lots of people take to him. More people have leaned on or cried on my shoulders than I can remember. I feel strongly that I know what I’m talking about.

You have to first purpose it in your heart and mind to forgive the person or person(s) that wronged you. LET IT GO! It won’t be easy but most things worthwhile, aren’t. I’m not telling you t try to forget what was done to you. You need to remember. You might be someone later on in life to help someone else who has gone through the same thing you did. You might be the only one who can help him/her.

You need to forgive the person who wronged you. All the hurt, pain, bitterness, anger and suffering that you are taking on a life long journey; I can assure you the person who caused you all the pain is not experiencing any themselves. They might not have even given you a second thought in years. In order to move on with your life and let go of all the baggage you have to do the one thing you never dreamed of. You need to forgive that person so you can move on. Forgiving is freeing. It is a lifter of spirits. Forgiveness is a natural high! You will feel the weight of the world melting off your shoulders.

Get that emotional baggage off your back. Free your heart of all the junk you have bee harboring for all those years and be free. If you can’t do it alone, find a ‘trustworthy’ friend who you can talk to. They don’t need to give advice to you, you just need a good listener. Also be sure the person is trustworthy. The last thing you want is someone telling your business all over town or worse, the Internet.

If you need a psychiatrist, get one but don’t buy into that ‘therapy for years’ spiel. If you need to get down on your hands and knees, do it. Whatever it takes to free yourself — DO IT!

Bitterness and regret are cancers, but they only eat away at you and not the person who’s actions caused you your pain and bitterness. Whether you are in your teens, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or above; it’s never too late to release the beast and really start living your life. Do it now. Get off your butt and make the rest of your life something beautiful — STARTING NOW!

The very best for you, your friends, family and especially your children or children to be, is waiting for you. Be aware, not everyone wants to see you happy. Be prepared for that as you begin healing.

Happy New Year!

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