All In Good Time: Living The Single Life

All In Good Time
this is dedicated to a few friends of mine. after reading this they should know who they are
For A Must Hear Song Head Over To YouTube and If You Would Like It, Let Me Know

A few friends are struggling. Perhaps more than I know because not everyone confides in me. They are struggling and suffering. Suffering from the Being Single Syndrome. While not everyone manifests the exact same symptoms in the same way, it has become obvious to me that these young ladies share this affliction. I like to preface any post I do like this (one that involves dispensing ‘help’ or ‘advice’ by saying I am not an expert in any field of study. I’m just a caring individual who knows a little bit about human nature.

You are free to do with it as you please. Sometimes we get impatient. We lose sight of the goal because of all the obstacles in our way. The obstacles that I am talking about are the boys and men that don’t live up to your standards. The ones who don’t measure up. The ones who have a nice body with little or nothing between their ears. The ones who have little or nothing to offer except what is dangling between their legs. The ones without a job but more than willing to let you pay for everything. The ones who are only using you. The ones who are married. The ones who want to bed you and leave you. The ones who are not looking for a serious relationship. The ones with no ambition past sundown. The ones, ad nauseam…

I understand ladies. You are lonely and what’s worse, alone. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired and by yourself. So you settle for anything the cat drags in. Perhaps a half eaten mouse or the neighborhood rat. You know that guy who cares less about you than he does himself. Sometimes when dealing with matters of the heart we do what the heart tell us to do and completely ignore what our brains are telling us. I’ve been there. I’ve made mistakes by following my heart.

How can you help it though? The need, the longing and desire to be loved and to give love is so strong. The need to be held and hear someone (sometimes anyone) tell us we are special even if they don’t believe it themselves is real. They say it because maybe there is a sexual reward on the other end of that compliment. In this modern world we are not taught to wait for good things. We have microwaves, cell phones, almost everything we need at any given time is right at our fingertips. Why then should you wait for the man of your dreams?

Because he exists. He is out there waiting for you but if you are out messing with some knucklehead, you might just miss him. You sweetheart are special. There is no other like you anywhere. If it means waiting patiently until you find the man who lives up to your standards, then wait. All I wanted to do with this post is beg those who the post is directed to, to know that often following your heart is the worst advice anyone could ever give you. Along with our need to be loved is our selfish hedonistic side. The side that wants pleasure now and instant gratification. When you are lonely and the prospect of being with someone comes into play, the heart can be very selfish and will at any opportunity embrace comfort and companionship regardless of how, with whom or when.

To make wise choices you need to access the gray matter. You need advice from people willing to tell you the truth because it is what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. We have a tendency to seek advice from those we know will be on our side. We tend to ignore the wisdom of parents for people our own age who have the same if not more problems than we do.

Don’t waste your time on someone who is not worthy of your time, effort or love. I don’t want to see you taken advantage of or made a fool. You are special beyond words. You are a queen in need of a king. Don’t settle for anything less than royalty. You are too special to me (even if you are reading this and don’t know me), for me not to have taken the effort to write this. You don’t have to act upon this post but after today, it is all on you. The knowledge is in you because you took the time to read this. Embrace or ignore. Either way all will be reveled, all in good time.

poem credit to Roshni Jacob
Coincidentally Roshni will be the featured poetess for the July Poetic License

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  1. #1 by eniola folarin on August 15, 2012 - 3:35 AM

    Lovely. just lovely. Thanks for this :)

  2. #2 by Anonymous Burn on June 12, 2012 - 10:23 PM

    I wait because I will never again settle. I wait because I know what I want and believe it exists. I wait because I won’t waste my chance on the thing of a lifetime for something I can get from any Tom, Dick, or Harry. I wait and my girls will cuddle closer on those lonely nights.

    • #3 by Tom Baker on June 13, 2012 - 10:46 AM

      Megan, you are right. It – he exists and you deserve only the best because hopefully you will give your best.

  3. #4 by Micah on June 7, 2012 - 11:57 AM

    Though I haven’t experienced being single for a significant period of time, I still like this post because it made me appreciate my husband even more. I guess I’m quite lucky to have found the right guy. I’d like to share to the rest of the world that I’m very proud & happy to have married an intelligent, kind-hearted, understanding & generous man who is also quite handsome. No he’s not make-believe, he’s for real! If there’s one flaw that I can point it, it’s just that he’s a bit addicted to online games (which I can live with). So to all of your single readers, you can also find the right guy. Somebody who will complement your personality. Do not settle for anything less.

    • #5 by Tom Baker on June 7, 2012 - 12:13 PM

      Well put and I am very happy for you Micah! I hope if someone reads this post they also take the time to read all the great comments.

  4. #6 by Addie on June 7, 2012 - 8:43 AM

    I consider this as Kuya Tom’s personal letter to me and I am very blessed. Waiting for God’s best here. Patiently waiting. And I’m being my best while doing so, of course. :)

    • #7 by Tom Baker on June 7, 2012 - 9:02 AM

      I hope so Bunso! I can’t keep an eye on you so I am taking you at your word. Stay beautiful, sis.

      • #8 by Micah on June 7, 2012 - 11:36 AM

        I can’t help but comment here because I have seen that you’ve used the word “bunso”. Very endearing

        • #9 by Tom Baker on June 7, 2012 - 11:54 AM

          Micah, several beautiful souls have asked me to be their Kuya. I am honored.

          • #10 by Micah on June 7, 2012 - 11:58 AM

            Wow! You know a few Filipino words/terms. Impressive! Can you be my Kuya too? ;)

          • #11 by Tom Baker on June 7, 2012 - 12:09 PM

            Really? Is that something your very understanding husband will be okay with? I guess he will be if you asked! It will be both a pleasure and an honor bunso Micah. Love ya!

          • #12 by Micah on June 7, 2012 - 12:14 PM

            Hahaha. My husband will surely understand. He knows how much I treasure my friends in the blogging world. Love ya too Kuya Tom!

          • #13 by Tom Baker on June 7, 2012 - 12:21 PM

            Well with being your Kuya I kinda expect to be more than just a blogging friend. Just friend is much better Bunso. I have a question for you. If you (me) have a lot of bunso’s will some girls get jealous or upset that I am kuya to lots of people?

        • #14 by nenskei on June 10, 2012 - 11:16 PM

          Yeah right Mics :D too cute to hear, right?
          Mics? Can I call you Ate?
          Beautiful Tom? aside for being so a good friend which I can conclude a bestie, can I call you Kuya too? ^^
          WhoOoOot .. too cute….
          Happy :D

          • #15 by Tom Baker on June 13, 2012 - 11:46 AM

            It’s an honor to be asked Shira but you know you have been calling me what you like for the longest time already. Kuya sounds great.

  5. #16 by Debra Colby-Conklin on June 6, 2012 - 10:02 AM

    Wonderful post.

    • #17 by Tom Baker on June 6, 2012 - 10:48 PM

      Thank you and welcome to my blog. I just noticed that you came from Muse’s blog and you also like being nude. Good for you!

  6. #18 by koisevilla on June 5, 2012 - 10:50 PM

    I wish a lot of my girl friends can read this (hence, will be posting a link on my FB page -haha-)

    I have to admit that there was a time in my life when I let my heart rule my head and to tell you the truth, I am glad that my being single (still and now) is based on the reasons that are not found above. Like what I have expressed on my blog, it seems unfair that being picky and knowing what I want and deserve leads to more waiting and more “alone” time that is quite unnecessary.

    But, in retrospect, I would rather be single than be like some of the women I know- Those who stick to a scumbag just because they think he’s their last chance or ticket to marriage. If you read one of the answers I had in the 30 day challenge, my pet peeve is women who come back to those boyfriends or husbands who are abusive and does not have any ounce of respect for them. I can never imagine myself being stuck with a guy that way or hold on to a man just cause I am afraid I can’t do any better.

    Perhaps this wisdom (yes, I believe I am smarter about men and love now) has stemmed from my past experience and the tragic relationship of my parents. History tends to repeat itself; the sins of the parents are often reflected and manifested again in their offspring. However, I know that I have control of my own life and if I keep to the right track and have strong principles -I won’t make the same mistakes as those around me.

    I guess, I just have to be patient. Patience is a virtue and although I am not as virtuous as I should be, I just have to stick it out.

    Thanks for the awesome post Tom :) \m/ ^_^ rock on!

    • #19 by Tom Baker on June 6, 2012 - 10:53 PM

      Koi, thank you for such a long comment. Just the way I like them. You just gave me plenty of ammunition for another post but think I will refrain. Just pray you are strong enough to wait for the man God has planned for you. Thanks too for sharing on Facebook.

      • #20 by koisevilla on June 7, 2012 - 2:00 AM

        hahahah ammunition eh? Go! ^_^ You’re welcome! and thanks!

  7. #21 by Roshni on June 5, 2012 - 5:56 PM

    I loved this post, Tom. :) In a lot of ways, it was something I needed as well. Sometimes, you just tend to overlook the fact that you’re settling for someone less than what you deserve. It’s happened with me, but I don’t want it to repeat ever again! Loved the message you conveyed here. And thank you so much for including my poem as part of this awesome post!

    • #22 by ambrosiapeyton on June 5, 2012 - 9:04 PM

      I loved your poem. I added it to my tumblr page.

      • #23 by Roshni on June 6, 2012 - 2:58 AM

        Thank you so much. I’m so glad you liked it. :)

    • #24 by Tom Baker on June 6, 2012 - 10:46 PM

      Your poem fit perfectly Roshni. Thank you for not pressing charges for my thievery. I’m glad I wrote it since it was something you needed to hear.

  8. #25 by banana on June 5, 2012 - 3:29 PM

    THANK YOU for this post! It’s all I want to say to some people and more. And by the way I LOVE the song, that’s some really good singing there. I have to agree, all will be revealed in good time. Your kindness really shows, good sir :)

    • #26 by Tom Baker on June 6, 2012 - 10:44 PM

      Of course you are welcome Nana. I’m glad that were people who appreciated it. I have a post coming up (I keep pushing it back further) that I don’t think people will be too enthusiastic about.

      • #27 by banana on June 10, 2012 - 2:59 PM

        hahaha I like that- Nana :) sorry for the late reply, I’ll be checking your email soon too! I’m pretty swamped.. But that post’s piquing my interest.. hope you post it soon!

        • #28 by Tom Baker on June 13, 2012 - 10:52 AM

          I will try but the backlash could squelch my self esteem (smile).

  9. #29 by ambrosiapeyton on June 5, 2012 - 6:14 AM

    I hear the concern and love you have in your words. “Don’t waste your time on someone who is not worthy of your time, effort or love.” Good advice. I love the song too. Gladys sings with such enthusiasm. Scrunchylips is right about the sensuality. Roshni’s poem fits well with your post and I added it to my tumblr.

    • #30 by Tom Baker on June 6, 2012 - 10:43 PM

      Thank you for sharing the graphic with Roshni’s poem to your Tumblr friends. I do like that song a lot.

  10. #31 by scrunchylips on June 5, 2012 - 4:30 AM

    the song is good too…
    very sensual…

    • #32 by Tom Baker on June 5, 2012 - 5:04 AM

      But the thing about the song is, even though she knows what she wants, she’s still waiting. I sent you an email Scrunchylips.

    • #35 by ambrosiapeyton on June 5, 2012 - 6:14 AM

      It is very sensual. I loved it.

  11. #36 by nenskei on June 5, 2012 - 1:26 AM

    Beautiful post Tom. Many will take time to read this.
    Have a great day ahead.

    • #37 by Tom Baker on June 6, 2012 - 10:40 PM

      Thank you Nenskei. I do hope many get the chance to read this. I did have a great day.

  1. All In Good Time: Living The Single Life | The Way I Live Naturally

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